Top Five Terrible Puns in Classical Music
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Puns. They’re irresistible to headline writers and pops concert producers, but their usage usually evokes groans rather than giggles. The classical music lexicon is rich with names (Handel, Haydn, and Bach) and terms (beat, treble, and baroque) that lend themselves to witty or not so witty wordplay. We’ve made our Top Five Liszt – er, list – of puns. Please add your own zingers in the comments section.
1. “If it’s not baroque don’t fix it”
We’re not sure who said this first, but the enchanted Cogsworth immortalized this in Disney’s "Beauty and the Beast." We can see Lumiere rolling his eyes at his corny friend’s attempt at a joke.
2. “Too Hot to Handel"
The interchangeability of Handel with handle has launched thousands of puns, and this one was used for the title of Marin Alsop’s Jazz-Messiah, as description for a steamy production of the composer’s Acis and Galatea, an exercise program to classical favorites, and the writing on a potholder.
3. "Bach to Basics”
Perhaps the only composer who compares to Handel with his vast number of puns is Bach. This phrase has been alternatively used for concerts, a program for at-risk students, a comedy routine, and even we fell into its trap.
4. "Messiaen Around”
Yes, Messiaen sounds a bit like messing, but that doesn’t mean that invoking the 20th century composer’s name will give more depth to musical compositions.
5. "Chopin Liszt"
This truly awful pun graces the tops of several notepads. We hope that it never appear anywhere else.
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Comments [55]
Jefferson and others composed the Declaration of Independence, but John Hancock provided the key signature.
I thought it was; Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because he was Hadyn
It was the last movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony being performed in Central Park on a mild spring evening. Two trumpet players decided to leave early because in the finale they wouldn't be missed. Three bass players decided to visit a nearby bar before having to return to the orchestra to play their part. A mild breeze stirred, threatening to blow away part of the score under the conductor's baton. He swiftly tied it with a silk ribbon that he carried for this occasion. The bass players returned having imbibed too much.
In summary, it was the bottom of the ninth, two men were out, the bassists were loaded, and the score was tied.
@Andrew B from Lower Merion, PA. On the contrary - your pun was a grave undertaking and deep, not a letdown as others may think!
Reminds me of an old Flintstones episode with a fine piece by Rockmaninoff
What are Beethoven and his contemporaries doing as we listen to their music in the 21st century?
Decomposing.
Hope that's not too morbid for you folks.
{{channeling Arte Johnson}}
Verdi-verdi interrrr-esting -- but punny!
Bach to Bach puns...how funny!
It has been announced that The Fulton Street Fish Market will sponsor the upcoming production of Gershwin's Porgy & Bass.
Question: What do you shout out just before you through a piano down a mineshaft?
Answer: C Sharp or B Flat Minor.
Question: What do you get when you drop a piano out of an airplane over an air force base?
Answer: A flat major.
As one of the "operavores", never can "Aida" little too much of a good thing!
(also enjoying the real "Lulu"(s) posted here,too!)
One that I made up: No matter how Boris Godunov is performed, it's always Godunov.
@Phil B. from Riverdale - Guess your fish pun was no fluke and said just for the halibut? Before I tackle another one and begin to flounder, I hope others won't follow and swallow these hook, line, and sinker. Remember, like old fish and two-thirds of a pun - P U ! Carp Diem!
The fisherman's piano plays good scales and has a built in electronic piano tuna.
@Nick Jackson from Denver - no doubt a dynamic fellow and a lieder at staff meetings, must try to compose himself while sticking to the manuscript.
take it Bach-I can't Handel it!
the soul of my life is un-RAVELing
Decades ago there was a Classics professor on the faculty at Gettysburg College who had a reputation for being quite a punster. One evening during an orchestra concert the lights suddenly went out. The orchestra ground to a halt, and in the confused silence that followed, the professor's voice boomed out: "How delightful, but disconcerting!"
If WQXR ever started a softball team, they might be called "Bach's Office Hits."
Since as I write this you're playing Rachmaninoff, I think it's worth nothing that I've heard classical musicians refer to his Fifth Piano Concerto as the Rocky 5.
Then there's this bit I saw on facebook. Someone photoshopped Arnold Swarzenegger's face onto a portrait of J.S. Bach; the caption, of course from one of th "Terminator" movies; "I'll be Bach". Too, too droll.....
Faust or slow, I can play it any way you like!
Quiz: Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence, but John Hancock provided the (blank) (blank).
Though Bumblus called time, Barry, Phil and Becky were andante(d). They struck three sforzato runs in the fifth to tie the score!
IMO the best ever was penned right here..." Obey Thoven".
Organists are great! (And swell, and positif!)
The music of Irving is Fine for me.
@BUMBLUS from NYC - your comment makes me realize the gigue is up and even if you posted from DC, I would have been al fine with that.
10,000 comedians out of work and you guys are auditioning in the comments section...
The 49er's loss was a major set Bach and while they should have gone for baroque and made some forward movement, could not Handel the pressure of the opposing team's fans shouting "bourree for our side!"
Where there's smoke, there's Falla!
Meanwhile Bach at the choral.
My local music store has good Delius on CDs, especially CDs on French music, selling them Faure dollar a piece.
Ligeti split
I'd rather just sit home and listen to Rap City in Blue
I've always been taught to "go for baroque".
Went Chopin. Be Bach in a Minuet.
This may seem Kurt, but some of these puns are really Weill.
My staff took note of all these.
Club can't Handel me. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDEQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSgM3r8xKfGE&ei=YNETUYOHMo600QGLtoB4&usg=AFQjCNHTg2Xu-lv8pML4Pvy9i-FtnFYQFA&sig2=AQ6k2sWtpodDRIrZcCEWCA&bvm=bv.42080656,d.dmg
The choral singer's motto: "I can Handel the Messiah"
who's Haydn in there?!!
Enough with the kid stuff! Time to build some muscle!
Switch from CheeriOs to BurlyOs
You don't know your brass from your oboe.
Rachmanin Na Na.
I can't get no Satiesfaction
Keep your Wurms happy in a Beethoven
The electrician who was a part-time musician - a semi-conductor.
Be like Napoleon and take your 'bone apart.
What's the joke about why Beethoven couldn't find his teacher?
And, in these days when the Second Amendment is all over the news, maybe we could stop the problem by stopping the violins.
Saw this great T shirt once: Bach soon (Offenbach sooner)
Aw come on, Milton. You l'Arlesienne around.
I'd leave a pun, but I'm too Bizet.
I de Falla to come up with a better one than this.
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